call off a wedding with class
It's interesting:"I am quite sure that Linda will want to improve Paul a little because that's what wives do. Above all else I hope she'll teach him to entertain in this style and continue this fine hosting tradition."
"The Runaway Bride" isn't just a Julia Roberts movie. No amount of work invested in a wedding can protect it from the whims of human nature, as evidenced by the horror tales of people who get cold enough feet weeks or days before the ceremony that they blow the whistle on a reception that cost tens of thousands of dollars. And we won't even start on infidelity during the courtship, which has toppled many a wedding cake.
Such drama that makes for great cinema means tears, tantrums and a loss of big bucks in real life. But what if you find yourself standing in those running shoes? What if you realize at the zero hour that the woman you imagined bearing your children is not who you thought she was, her real nature having been revealed during the stress of the wedding plans? How do you handle it with class, if that's at all possible?
The best guideline is the old adage of, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." Think of how you'd feel if you were the one who just got dumped only days before she was going to wear a dress her father just spent $5,000 on. You'd want--and deserve--a certain amount of sympathy and respect.
You're going to need a lot of patience in dealing with many people asking why . . . and some very disappointed parents who are now wondering if they can recoup anything on the catering bill. You're also got a lot of phone calls to make.
Instructions
Calling Off the Cake, the Caterers, the Coach With Six White Horses . . .
1
Whomever it is that's backing out, don't dare do it by phone, email, letter or (even more abhorring) by having a friend or relative deliver the news. The other person is going to feel, among other intense emotions, public humiliation. Don't make it worse by breaking it to them callously--and it's not going to garner any points for you among the crowd you have to disinvite to the ceremony, either. Respectfully tell them in person, in private, at an appropriate time and place.
2
In the event the decision is made mere weeks or days (or, heaven help you, a few hours) before the wedding, be prepared for uproar. Take a few days off work to take care of the most pressing issues.
3
Immediately tell in person your family, your bridal party and whoever contributed money for the wedding. They will want explanations, namely, why you waited this long to call it off. By rights, you don't have to state your reasons, but that won't fly when your ex-groomsman's mother confronts you while foaming at the mouth with anger. She, and many others, won't be happy no matter what you tell them. If you can't fend them off with, "I really can't discuss it at this time, I'm sorry, I'm too upset," state your reasons calmly and stand your ground. It's easier said than done, but try not to get into emotional conversations at this stage.
4
Since you called it off, you carry the burden of seeing it through. Have your members of the bridal party (not members of the jilted party's) and others you are close with divide the guest list and contact them to tell them the wedding is off. A written announcement still needs be sent to everyone who was invited, but the time frame determines whether an email or a phone call is needed to alert everyone. If it's three weeks or less, make phone calls. If you have more time, send emails.
5
Call all the vendors and see how much of a refund you can get back. Go through the checklist you used to plan the wedding so you don't forget anyone, from the venue manager to the hairdresser you booked to do the bride's hair to the photographer. They need to be notified, or else you could have a team of stretch limos pull up in front of the church where you were going to be wed--and you're stuck with the bill for not telling them you no longer needed their services. Ask the vendors of disposable items (such as the caters, florist and baker) what they recommend you do if the food has already been cooked or the flowers arranged. You could arrange to donate the sit-down dinner to a homeless shelter or have the flowers to sent to a hospital to cheer up patients.
6
Offer to make good on the money your parents or other people put up for the wedding. Be realistic with them about how long it would take to pay it back. If the decision not to marry is mutual, the ex-couple should share the cost.
7
Unless the party you left at the altar cheated on you, committed a severe violation of your trust or the ring is a family heirloom, let them keep the diamond. Even if state law is on your side, in light of the emotional trauma, don't badger them for it. Accept that it is part of the price you are paying for calling things off when you probably knew a lot sooner that this wasn't right for you. If you pulled the plug because you discovered the bride making out with the best man at the rehearsal dinner and she's refusing to give up the gem, back off for now and head for your lawyer's office later.
8
Both parties need to return all engagement, shower, bachelor, bachelorette and wedding gifts, even if just one person got cold feet. The cause for celebration didn't occur, so gifts related to it must be relinquished.
9
Decide who moves out of the home, who keeps what possessions, who is responsible for what bills and what other reasonable support (financial or otherwise) your ex will need as they return to singlehood.
10
Understand that you will likely hear gossip or nasty comments directed toward you. Do what you can to ignore it or diffuse the situation, but ultimately try not to feed into it. The shock will eventually wear off. People will never forget that you backed out at the last-minute, though, so be prepared to have a thick skin the next time you get engaged. You are in for some needling, no matter what.
11
Work on moving forward, but don't be callous toward your ex. If you run into him a few months later and he's still a wreck while you're doing great, don't rub it in his face. If you ended things with the best of intentions, don't beat yourself up over it. The reminders will pop up here and there--no sense in prolonging the discomfort.
12
Do not get engaged again unless you are absolutely sure the new person is the right one.
Tags: state your, tell them, with class, bridal party, call wedding, call wedding withSource: www.ehow.com
